Fooling Around With Social Media

One of the perks of working in IT is that I can find out all kinds of things just by looking at a computer.  Even if you delete stuff, I can find traces of what you were doing and figure out what you were up to.

On the flip side, it makes it easy for me to hide my tracks, especially since my husband and most of the people around me are not very computer savvy.  (My son, on the other hand, is a 25 year old genius who taught me a few things.)  In the past, mania and social media has gotten me into trouble and caused all sorts of problems.

I have a profile on Adult Friend Finder.  I’ve had one there for a while now.  I’ve also had profiles on FetLife,, and Collar Space.  (I went through a period where I wanted to explore BDSM, and learned quickly that it is NOT my cup of tea.)  I’ve used the sites to find men who were willing to hook up for the night.  I had all sorts of excuses to justify it to myself and they all were rather lame.  I even justified it that my husband used religion to cheat on me and hurt me so why not return the favor and get some satisfaction in the process?

After I made a fool of myself (as I always did when coming down), I would delete the profile and swear that I would never do that again.  I would focus on my relationship with my husband and promise myself that I was happy with who I had and what we had.  I would swing in the other direction and be depressed for a while then enjoy the even keel and leave my indiscretions behind.

When I was younger, it was easier to catfish.  I always was someone else online, and lived a life I wished I had through that persona.  I was always short with big boobs, long beautiful hair, thin, and a high paying professional job that took me places and made me somebody.  The reality was that I was short, overweight, short hair, and an office manager.  Now I’ve gotten better at taking pictures that don’t show how truly overweight that I am, and apparently I get more attention with my long hair (even though now it is about 25% grey).

I don’t always trust what I am told online.  I’m always skeptical.  I should be, because I have been just as guilty of fooling people as I have been fooled.  But, truth be told, am I truly fooling my husband, or am I truly fooling myself?

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